


in beauty there echoes a speck of our source

by worry



Series: femslash february '16 [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, I don't know when this set, Implied/Referenced Suicide, don't look at me, i don't know what this is, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5888068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a train --- and then there is a girl. Sometimes there are both, but not very often. Sometimes there is only a train. Sometimes there is only a girl. Sometimes this girl is AliveAliveAlive and sometimes this girl has been dead for years and years. Sometimes Alison is blinded, Beth like a light, the train like a light, Beth like a ---</p><p> </p><p>There's a train, and then there is a girl, and sometimes there's another girl, but she doesn't fit very well into these cracks, into this story. This other girl is an abomination because Good Girls don't love their clones. This other girl tries to stop the train. This other girl tries to stop the lights. This other girl tries to fit her way through the cracks. This other girl fails. This other girl doesn't exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in beauty there echoes a speck of our source

She keeps on writing stories for Beth like she doesn't know that the world is ending around her, she keeps on writing stories for Beth until her hands get tired, until she can finally forget that Beth is a dead girl and Alison will be a dead girl, too, if she slips up, if she thinks about the world ending, if she does something other than think up stories about dead girls. Dead girls who come back to life for their lovers, dead girls like ghosts behind her in mirrors, dead girls like scary stories that children tell. 

 

Alison will be a dead girl, too, if she's not careful, if she doesn't catch herself when she thinks about Beth.

 

Alison will be a dead girl, too. 

 

She keeps on writing stories for Beth, on the off chance that maybe Beth never jumped in front of that train and Beth is still alive and Beth will come back to her, somehow.

 

She keeps on writing stories for Beth like she doesn't know her dreams are dreams.

* * *

 

 

There's a train --- and then there is a girl. Sometimes there are both, but not very often. Sometimes there is only a train. Sometimes there is only a girl. Sometimes this girl is AliveAliveAlive and sometimes this girl has been dead for years and years. Sometimes Alison is blinded, Beth like a light, the train like a light, Beth like a ---

 

There's a train, and then there is a girl, and sometimes there's another girl, but she doesn't fit very well into these cracks, into this story. This other girl is an abomination because Good Girls don't love their clones. This other girl tries to stop the train. This other girl tries to stop the lights. This other girl tries to fit her way through the cracks. This other girl fails. This other girl doesn't exist. 

 

This other girl is sometimes Alison, this other girl is sometimes the Girl Who Saved, the girl who stopped Beth from killing herself. Not even love was enough to stop the damage. Sometimes things can't be salvaged, sometimes things are too shattered to be repaired, sometimes Alison finds memories of Beth like forgotten shards of glass on a floor, sometimes Alison feels those memories like glass in skin, like blood.

 

* * *

 

 

Alison only knows graveyards. She loves Beth at graveyards, she loves Beth at shooting practice, she loves Beth in the morgue, she loves Beth when Beth is a sickly, sad, pitiful thing, she  _loves_ Beth.

 

Or: she love _d_ Beth, because Beth is gone now, Beth is a dead girl, just like Alison. She will be dead soon. There's Sarah and Cosima and Felix and they are Alive. Alison is nothing like them, see. Alison isn't a dead girl but she isn't Alive, has no spark left inside of her. Beth took it away, and it's ridiculous, how she's letting Beth do this to her, how she's letting Beth turn her into a sickly, sad, pitiful thing.

 

Alison only knows graveyards - Graveyards. The Graveyards are people now, and Alison shakes their hands, Alison looks deep into the Graveyards and says:  _Okay._

 

The Graveyards reply,  _I understand._

 

The Graveyards reply,  _Whenever you're ready._

 

She keeps on writing stories for Beth like she doesn't know the world is ending around her, and she buries them in a Graveyard. Not where Beth is buried, of course, because ---- did anyone care about her remains like Alison did, like Alison  _does?_ Did anyone think about rescuing them? Did anyone try to save them? Did anyone think about Beth's bones, in the Earth?

 

She keeps on writing stories for Beth like she doesn't know the world is ending around her, and Good Girls don't love their clones, but Good Girls aren't dead girls, so Alison has time.

 

The Graveyards-with-bodies find her, the Graveyards reply: 

 

_You're not dead yet._

 

_You have time._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  __  
> Our questions are all the same.  
>  Identical words; how they feel brand new against different time frames.  
> Identical words against different time frames.
> 
>  
> 
> _We know it all by heart-_  
>  The whole is greater  
> Than the sum of it's parts.
> 
>  
> 
> _We've heard it all before-_  
>  In beauty there echoes a speck of our source.
> 
>  
> 
> I don't even SHIP SoccerCop??? Why did I write this????????????????????????//
> 
> What?


End file.
